Katie L. Thompson writes this. (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} pyxilillymon) wrote,@ 2005-11-14 23:17:00 |
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The Story of the Death of Derek Hare In Relation To Myself
Do you see how happy I look in that photo? Yeah. I can't even believe that's me. For once, I felt like I fit in. Like I belonged with other people. I didn't travel alone. Those are my fellow PTK members I go to school with. We all spent the weekend together in Arlington, VA for the regional honors conference. We joked about the cheesiness of the whole program but really we had a lot of fun. That adventure began early Thursday morning with English class for me and came to an abrupt ending on Sunday morning when I checked my email.
But that's not the story I want to tell you. The story I want to tell you probably began during the day on Wednesday 11/9/05. I don't know the whole story or any of the details but I'll do my best.
Somewhere in Virginia Beach, VA one of two men were buying heroin. Or maybe both of them were. I don't know. One of them was 25 year old Derek Hare -- my step brother. The other one was his roommate. I don't know his name. Some guy from Michigan. Evidently he was on probation. I have no clue if that is relevant or not but Derek's family obviously thinks that it is. I don't think Derek had ever been in any real trouble with the law before. Maybe alcohol related things, though. I don't know. I think he did drink in excess sometimes. Anyhow, both of these young men decided to do heroin that night. There are several stories about what happened after that. Sometime before midnight, Derek ended up in the bathtub. Either he got in there himself or his roommate put him there. Derek died sometime between midnight and 4am Thursday morning. His roommate found him in the bathroom and called 911 around 4 but it was obviously too late. The roommate is..........somewhere now. He wasn't at the funeral. Roommate's uncle owned the apartment they lived in. A version of the story came from him and another from the cops. I guess roommate wasn't consistant.
I left for school early Thursday morning, remember? And I went straight to Arlington afterwards.
Thursday morning, my step-father David Hare received a phone call from a Virginia Beach police officer. She told him to go home but he said that he couldn't just go home in the middle of work. She wouldn't tell him what was going on. He thought maybe Derek had been locked up or something. Finally she told him that Derek had died and he went home. My mom came home, too.
David had been the first one to be called because his cell phone number was found in Derek's wallet. He was given the task of calling Derek's mother, Charlene to break the news to her. Derek was her only child. The problem was that the phone number he had for her wasn't current. He tried her work number but couldn't get in touch with her that way, either. He called Derek's maternal grandmother and tried to get Charlene's number without telling her what was going on. She asked too many questions and finally David had to tell her. David finally got in touch with Derek's mother and told her. My mom and David stayed home and made calls and answered the phone all day.
I was having a good time preparing for Las Vegas night with Kristin. We had Chinese food in Warrenton before we left. When we got to Arlington, I made a fruit tray in the hotel bathroom. I stole a rolly thing from the hotel and piled all of our stuff on it and rolled it down Glebe Road from the Comfort Inn to Marymount University. We dressed like pirates. I ate too much pineapple and my mouth hurt. I took Kristin into DC and bought my ticket to see Andrew Bird. I talked about Andrew Bird for the rest of the weekend.
On Friday, David and my mom went down to Virginia Beach like the police told them to. Unfortunately, the police forgot that Friday was a holiday and they had to wait 2 hours for someone to show up. I'm not exactly sure what went on, but this was when they spoke to roommate's uncle. They gathered up all of Derek's belongings, including his car and brought them back here to our house in Culpeper. His car is in our makeshift driveway. The rest of his things are in big plastic tubs in our living room and computer room. Arrangments were made for his funeral in Pearisburg, VA which is near Blacksburg. His mom took care of those things, I think.
On Friday, my PTK friends & I set out to the National Zoo with our FREE Metro passes in hand. We saw animals and took advantage of every photo opportunity available. We took a very pleasent Metro ride to Silver Spring and ate at Noodles and Co. I bought a bunch of tea at Whole Foods and Kristin ripped up some political magazine given to her by uber liberals. Shannon and Liz talked on their cell phones a lot. Dinner and the general session at Marymount's main campus sucked but I was in good company. When I got back to the hotel room, I took off to see the Twats and the Independents at the Warehouse Next Door in DC alone. That extra pineapple from the night before disappeared.
My mom sent me this email at 7am on Saturday:
CALL YOUR MOM
Katie, I have no idea how to get in touch with you. If you get this e-mail, you need to call me. My cell: xxx-xxx-xxxx David's cell: xxx-xxx-xxxx. There has been a death in the family. David's son, Derek has died. We will be going to Southwest Virginia today. Family night is tomorrow night and the funeral is Monday at 2:00. Please call me! MOM
I think that sums up what happened on Saturday on my parents' end.
I sat/slept through some more speakers and group sessions. I had a green tea smoothie for lunch along with some McSquare Fishes. I called Mrs. Jones and wished her a happy birthday. I ate copious amounts of cheese all day and all night. I drove my PTK friends to the Anandale campus of NVCC to see the Capital Steps. They were amused by the fact that I didn't really laugh much. Except that time he said lick a peter instead of pick a leader. That was funny. When we got back that night, I intercepted some pizza and we had a feast in our room amid much laughter. Kristin took our PTK theme of Pop Culture: Shaping and Reflecting Who We Are and twisted it into Cheese: Shaping and Reflecting Who We Are.
On Sunday morning, I sat through the speaker. He talked about Godzilla. I had already loaded my car up and Kristin and I were ready to leave as soon as things were over. On the way to our group sessions, I got Professor Martin to take that picture of all 4 of us that I posted above. I got to the room my session was in a little early and I decided to see if the computer in the room worked so I could check my email. I thought I was just goofing off really but no one said anything to me. I saw the email from my mom and clicked on it. I read it 2 or 3 times before it seemed valid to me. I kept saying "oh my God" over and over. And I couldn't help but cry. After that, I really did feel like I was floating for the rest of the day. Kristin got a ride back with Shannon and Liz. I called my mom and talked to her. When she told me that Derek died of a heroin overdose, I was hysterical. I somehow got to my granny's house. And then to my house. I took a long nap and then thought about things while wasting time on the computer. I called Mrs. Jones and she convinced me to go to the funeral even though I was freaking out about school. And I feel really guilty about this but I was also really really upset about missing Okkervil River at Iota.
At this point, I'd like to make mention of the symbolism involved in this story. Some of you know this already but my mom used to be married to another man named Wayne Joyner. When I was 16, his youngest son, Christopher hung himself. He was only 12 years old. His death had a huge effect on me because he had a lot of the same problems I did. So this is actually the second time I've lost a step-brother. It's very eerie when history repeats itself like this.
So this morning, I woke up early and got picked up by my granny and 2 aunts. I fell asleep and I awoke to agitated voices -- this would continue all day. Ruth has gotten all the way to Lovingston on 29 South before realizing that we weren't on 64 West. Everyone was arguing and speculating as to how it could have happened because the signs in Charlottesville said they were on 64. I realized that I would have to stay awake for the rest of the trip if we were going to get there. Evidently, the rest of my family is not as good as navigating as I am. We somehow arrived by 1pm in Pearisburg. This is where the photo documentation began.
This is the view from the end of the road where the funeral home is. Pearisburg is a sleepy little mountain town.
This is a view from the side of the funeral home. There're mountains on the other side, too.
The funeral home. I was sitting on the porch with my relatives but some of David's more.......erm....country relatives showed up and decided to all smoke ciggerettes on the porch at the same time. I got up and left. It's also interesting to note that his brother looks and sounds like Dale Gribble from King of the Hill. He wore a ball cap with his suit to the funeral. No lie.
Miranda was Derek's half sister. She's 6. I don't really think she got what was going on. She kept telling the rest of her family that Derek wasn't really dead. She was running around the whole time, just as happy as can be. She wanted to put that leaf in Derek's casket because she said it would bring him courage. She said a lot of stuff, though. She really liked Derek a lot. And Derek really liked her.
She wrote this and put it in the casket. I think someone distracted her and got rid of the leaf so she forgot about it.
She drew this on the other side of the note. On the way back home, she randomly asked my mom is Derek would know that it was a picture of herself and Derek because she accidentily colored her hair the wrong color and he might not recognize her.
She also put this in the casket. It's a picture of her and Derek from the last time he came up and visited us. She's wearing makeup that she applied herself in the picture. You probably can't tell but she's got all the blue stuff around her eyes like Mimi from the Drew Carey Show.
I did peep into the casket briefly. Derek looked like he was just sleeping. He was very well groomed. He wore a suit and a Virginia Tech tie. Next to the casket was a picture of him in his football uniform from high school. The entire time, Miranda stood next to the casket and mumbled to herself and Derek. She wasn't upset or frightened by it at all. Derek's mother was bawling her eyes out as she greeted friends and family members. David seemed to be holding up pretty well.
When the casket was closed, the short ceremony began. A lady played sad tunes on a quiet organ which encouraged tears. The presiding minister read some random Bible verses and said some prayers. He talked about how Derek was a good kid and how he loved sports. The Derek he talked about was the Derek from 7 years ago -- the one that was in high school. It's like they dragged his body back home and pretended that he had never even left. Did he not accomplish anything in the past 7 years?! Maybe he didn't. He lived in FL for several years and worked at Wendy's. He had only been back in VA for 3 months. I wanted to get up and scream that he died of a heroin overdose, not of being a good kid that loved sports. All that talk of heaven......they all acted as if it was a given that Derek was in heaven. He had gone to church with his grandmother back in August and taken communion with her, the minister said. HE TOOK HEROIN!!! Did he have time to ask God for forgiveness before he died in that bathtub?! I want to scream and shout because of how he died. Because he didn't need to die. His family is assuming or hoping that he had never done the stuff before and that his roommate was somehow involved. That may be true but the honest naked truth is that Derek was an adult and he was responsible for his own actions. I don't know the extent of God's forgivness. I know it's something within that person. I am scared for Derek's soul. Everything that minister said was so positive and comforting. But.......HEROIN. HEROIN! We want to place the blame somewhere else. We want to be able to say that roommate killed Derek. I want to be able to say that. Maybe roommate bought the drugs and injected Derek against his will.....do you inject heroin? I don't even know how you take the stuff. I want to say that roommate killed him and that he didn't kill himself in the end. But......it's not likely. Who kills somebody else by forcing heroin on him or her?!
I don't know. I just don't know.
A quick grave side reading. I don't even remember what was said.
I know this is probably not the right time to bring this up but that's the back of my mom's mullet. She's the one with the paisly shirt.
The cemetery view.
It actually looked like a day for a funeral. The sky was bleak grayish white.
That's the pain of a mother losing her only child.
Kids, if you love your mother don't do drugs. I'm serious.
I half-jokingly told my mom "If I die before you, you don't have to buy me the gold one -- just get whatever's cheapest." Granny suggested that I be buried out in the circle in front of her house where all the cats and hamsters are buried.
The flower arrangment on top of the casket.
Miranda refused to look sad the entire day. In fact, she smiled everytime she saw my camera so I had to catch her off guard. She just didn't understand what was going on.
She's putting a flower in her hair.
She was playing with the flowers that had been placed on the top of the casket.
Miranda and her cousins.
I can remember being a child and not understanding cemeteries, too. They just seemed like big playgrounds to me.
The congregation at a distance.
My mother and Miranda joined us on the ride home. That brought the total up to 6 people, if you're keeping track. We piled into the Suburban and granny made us suffer by riding around the town a bit. Evidently, she had lived in Pearisburg when she was in second grade. We yelled at each other a bunch because we were hungry. We stopped and ate at some mom and pop type place and waited forever for our meals. David's smoking relatives were on the other side of the restaurant with their ciggerettes. The food was mediocre except for the peanut butter pie. $1.49 peanut butter pie. Mmmmmm. Tasty. We piled back into the Suburban and I fell asleep in the backseat just hoping that the other 5 brains in the car could figure out the concept of NORTHEAST without me.
I woke up to those same obnoxious voices as before. It was dark and we were at a gas station in the middle of nowhere about 40 miles south of Lexington. I had been coughing all weekend but my cough was getting worse. I felt particularly sick. As it turns out, the Suburban had gone with one headlight for some time and now that headlight had ceased to function. In a panic, Marie called Triple A (AAA, duh). After 20 minutes of arguing, of course. I had a headache and my ears wouldn't pop. Triple A wanted to tow us obviously. We wanted them to bring us some headlights. They didn't like the fact that there were 6 of us, either. So nevermind. My idea was to drive to Lexington slowly with hazard lights. Marie finally agreed to drive. Once we got back on 81, Edwin called and asked if the high beams worked. DUH. I figured that Ruth had tried that already but she hadn't. We drove all the way to Charlottesville with the high beams then stopped at K-Mart and bought some duct tape to tape the high part of the high beams. I took Miranda to the bathroom and she sang an imaginary sing-song-mumble about pooping and puking and other bathroom things because.......that's what kids do, I guess.
When we got to Madison, Miranda coughed and puked all over the backseat upholstry which I was informed had just been shampooed for $149 dollars. She had sang that she had to puke back at K-Mart but I didn't think she was serious. I wonder if it was just a coincidence. It was very sudden -- she had been laughing and playing with me and then she got sick. She puked a few more times into a trash can which I held up to her mouth. The puddle of sick itself was bright red (because of the nasty red sugar drink she had) and contained bits of crackers, onion rings, and chicken nuggets. We were about 10 minutes from Miranda's house and I felt like I was going to barf soon as well because I had puke on my hands and the smell was seeping into my nose and making me gag. As soon as we arrived, I climbed out and coughed and spat in the yard. Luckily, I managed to keep my food down. I sat impatient and uncomfortable for the remaining 20 minutes of the ride and gladly hopped out when we got home.
As much as I hate to admit it, a good portion of the trip was spent thinking about how I was missing Okkervil River and perhaps even the false illusion that I'd get back in time to drive to Arlington to go see them. But really.....I knew better. If I had driven myself, I probably could have made it. But I thought I was doing the right thing by going with my family. At some point on the way home, my mom yelled at me and said, "Katie, why would you wanna get away from your family so bad?!" Everyone paused for a moment and laughed. My mom got mad and said, "Hey! I was being serious!"
Anyhow I guess the point is.....don't do heroin? I don't know. This story.......it took me a long time to write. But.......it really doesn't express everything that I'm feeling right now. I am scared about my life and my own mortality. I talked about school with my family over dinner and I felt stupid because I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. They seem to think that I shouldn't transfer after I get my degree because I don't have the money, because I don't need it, because I don't know what I want to study, because I hate school, and because I'm just randomly picking a major. And those are good reasons to not go back to school. It's just that.......I'm afraid to not go. This semester....I'm behind. I don't know if I can catch up now. I think I have to because so many people seem to think I can just because I proved myself last year. It's a weird situation. Very confusing. This death.......it's another setback. It's some sort of symbol. This is another kid that died that I have to make up for. I mean, I've gotta do something that's not stupid. I have to stay alive for a while and do something meaningful. I think school has something to do with that. Maybe. I'm not sure. We'll see I guess.
What I do know is that I'm sick. I'm coughing, my head hurts, and my ears are all stopped up.
This story doesn't end. It probably won't for a while.
I'll end with Derek's obituary:
Derek Lyle Hare, 25, of Pembroke, Va., went to be with the Lord on Thursday, November 10, 2005 in Virginia Beach, Va. He was currently living in Virginia Beach for the past three months, and had lived in Tampa, Fla. for the past four years. Derek was born on February 22, 1980 in Pearisburg and was a son of David W. Hare of Culpeper and Charlene G. Yancey of Blacksburg. He was preceded in death by his great grandmother, Amy Harless, paternal grandfather, Wesley Hare, and a great uncle, Buford R. (Bo) Harless. Derek was a 1999 graduate of Giles High School and he loved playing football for the Giles Spartans. He also ran track and played basketball. Besides his dad, David and his wife Ronny, and his mother Charlene, Derek is survived by his sister, Miranda Brooke Hare of Culpeper; maternal grandmother Shirley Yancey of Pearisburg; paternal grandmother, Toby Parham of Franklin; 2 aunts, Debbie and husband Kenny Parker of Chesapeake, Katrina and husband Mark Carr of Franklin; 2 uncles, Randy and wife Janice Hare of Bealeton, William and wife Sylvia Hare of Franklin; numerous cousins; close friends and special friends, Jeffery and Courtney Dickerson, Shefffey Brotherton, Mark Hare and Amanda Scott Duncan. Funeral services will be conducted Monday, November 14, 2005 at 2 p.m. at the Givens Funeral Chapel in Pearisburg, Va. with Dr. Fred L. Austin officiating with burial following in the Birchlawn Burial Park in Pearisburg, Va. The family will receive friends at Givens Funeral Home Sunday evening from 6 to 8 p.m. Memorial contributions may be made to the Humane Society or to a charity of your choice. Online condolences can be made to the family at givensfuneralhome.com.
Published on 11/13/2005
The Roanoke Times
Do you see how happy I look in that photo? Yeah. I can't even believe that's me. For once, I felt like I fit in. Like I belonged with other people. I didn't travel alone. Those are my fellow PTK members I go to school with. We all spent the weekend together in Arlington, VA for the regional honors conference. We joked about the cheesiness of the whole program but really we had a lot of fun. That adventure began early Thursday morning with English class for me and came to an abrupt ending on Sunday morning when I checked my email.
But that's not the story I want to tell you. The story I want to tell you probably began during the day on Wednesday 11/9/05. I don't know the whole story or any of the details but I'll do my best.
Somewhere in Virginia Beach, VA one of two men were buying heroin. Or maybe both of them were. I don't know. One of them was 25 year old Derek Hare -- my step brother. The other one was his roommate. I don't know his name. Some guy from Michigan. Evidently he was on probation. I have no clue if that is relevant or not but Derek's family obviously thinks that it is. I don't think Derek had ever been in any real trouble with the law before. Maybe alcohol related things, though. I don't know. I think he did drink in excess sometimes. Anyhow, both of these young men decided to do heroin that night. There are several stories about what happened after that. Sometime before midnight, Derek ended up in the bathtub. Either he got in there himself or his roommate put him there. Derek died sometime between midnight and 4am Thursday morning. His roommate found him in the bathroom and called 911 around 4 but it was obviously too late. The roommate is..........somewhere now. He wasn't at the funeral. Roommate's uncle owned the apartment they lived in. A version of the story came from him and another from the cops. I guess roommate wasn't consistant.
I left for school early Thursday morning, remember? And I went straight to Arlington afterwards.
Thursday morning, my step-father David Hare received a phone call from a Virginia Beach police officer. She told him to go home but he said that he couldn't just go home in the middle of work. She wouldn't tell him what was going on. He thought maybe Derek had been locked up or something. Finally she told him that Derek had died and he went home. My mom came home, too.
David had been the first one to be called because his cell phone number was found in Derek's wallet. He was given the task of calling Derek's mother, Charlene to break the news to her. Derek was her only child. The problem was that the phone number he had for her wasn't current. He tried her work number but couldn't get in touch with her that way, either. He called Derek's maternal grandmother and tried to get Charlene's number without telling her what was going on. She asked too many questions and finally David had to tell her. David finally got in touch with Derek's mother and told her. My mom and David stayed home and made calls and answered the phone all day.
I was having a good time preparing for Las Vegas night with Kristin. We had Chinese food in Warrenton before we left. When we got to Arlington, I made a fruit tray in the hotel bathroom. I stole a rolly thing from the hotel and piled all of our stuff on it and rolled it down Glebe Road from the Comfort Inn to Marymount University. We dressed like pirates. I ate too much pineapple and my mouth hurt. I took Kristin into DC and bought my ticket to see Andrew Bird. I talked about Andrew Bird for the rest of the weekend.
On Friday, David and my mom went down to Virginia Beach like the police told them to. Unfortunately, the police forgot that Friday was a holiday and they had to wait 2 hours for someone to show up. I'm not exactly sure what went on, but this was when they spoke to roommate's uncle. They gathered up all of Derek's belongings, including his car and brought them back here to our house in Culpeper. His car is in our makeshift driveway. The rest of his things are in big plastic tubs in our living room and computer room. Arrangments were made for his funeral in Pearisburg, VA which is near Blacksburg. His mom took care of those things, I think.
On Friday, my PTK friends & I set out to the National Zoo with our FREE Metro passes in hand. We saw animals and took advantage of every photo opportunity available. We took a very pleasent Metro ride to Silver Spring and ate at Noodles and Co. I bought a bunch of tea at Whole Foods and Kristin ripped up some political magazine given to her by uber liberals. Shannon and Liz talked on their cell phones a lot. Dinner and the general session at Marymount's main campus sucked but I was in good company. When I got back to the hotel room, I took off to see the Twats and the Independents at the Warehouse Next Door in DC alone. That extra pineapple from the night before disappeared.
My mom sent me this email at 7am on Saturday:
CALL YOUR MOM
Katie, I have no idea how to get in touch with you. If you get this e-mail, you need to call me. My cell: xxx-xxx-xxxx David's cell: xxx-xxx-xxxx. There has been a death in the family. David's son, Derek has died. We will be going to Southwest Virginia today. Family night is tomorrow night and the funeral is Monday at 2:00. Please call me! MOM
I think that sums up what happened on Saturday on my parents' end.
I sat/slept through some more speakers and group sessions. I had a green tea smoothie for lunch along with some McSquare Fishes. I called Mrs. Jones and wished her a happy birthday. I ate copious amounts of cheese all day and all night. I drove my PTK friends to the Anandale campus of NVCC to see the Capital Steps. They were amused by the fact that I didn't really laugh much. Except that time he said lick a peter instead of pick a leader. That was funny. When we got back that night, I intercepted some pizza and we had a feast in our room amid much laughter. Kristin took our PTK theme of Pop Culture: Shaping and Reflecting Who We Are and twisted it into Cheese: Shaping and Reflecting Who We Are.
On Sunday morning, I sat through the speaker. He talked about Godzilla. I had already loaded my car up and Kristin and I were ready to leave as soon as things were over. On the way to our group sessions, I got Professor Martin to take that picture of all 4 of us that I posted above. I got to the room my session was in a little early and I decided to see if the computer in the room worked so I could check my email. I thought I was just goofing off really but no one said anything to me. I saw the email from my mom and clicked on it. I read it 2 or 3 times before it seemed valid to me. I kept saying "oh my God" over and over. And I couldn't help but cry. After that, I really did feel like I was floating for the rest of the day. Kristin got a ride back with Shannon and Liz. I called my mom and talked to her. When she told me that Derek died of a heroin overdose, I was hysterical. I somehow got to my granny's house. And then to my house. I took a long nap and then thought about things while wasting time on the computer. I called Mrs. Jones and she convinced me to go to the funeral even though I was freaking out about school. And I feel really guilty about this but I was also really really upset about missing Okkervil River at Iota.
At this point, I'd like to make mention of the symbolism involved in this story. Some of you know this already but my mom used to be married to another man named Wayne Joyner. When I was 16, his youngest son, Christopher hung himself. He was only 12 years old. His death had a huge effect on me because he had a lot of the same problems I did. So this is actually the second time I've lost a step-brother. It's very eerie when history repeats itself like this.
So this morning, I woke up early and got picked up by my granny and 2 aunts. I fell asleep and I awoke to agitated voices -- this would continue all day. Ruth has gotten all the way to Lovingston on 29 South before realizing that we weren't on 64 West. Everyone was arguing and speculating as to how it could have happened because the signs in Charlottesville said they were on 64. I realized that I would have to stay awake for the rest of the trip if we were going to get there. Evidently, the rest of my family is not as good as navigating as I am. We somehow arrived by 1pm in Pearisburg. This is where the photo documentation began.
This is the view from the end of the road where the funeral home is. Pearisburg is a sleepy little mountain town.
This is a view from the side of the funeral home. There're mountains on the other side, too.
The funeral home. I was sitting on the porch with my relatives but some of David's more.......erm....country relatives showed up and decided to all smoke ciggerettes on the porch at the same time. I got up and left. It's also interesting to note that his brother looks and sounds like Dale Gribble from King of the Hill. He wore a ball cap with his suit to the funeral. No lie.
Miranda was Derek's half sister. She's 6. I don't really think she got what was going on. She kept telling the rest of her family that Derek wasn't really dead. She was running around the whole time, just as happy as can be. She wanted to put that leaf in Derek's casket because she said it would bring him courage. She said a lot of stuff, though. She really liked Derek a lot. And Derek really liked her.
She wrote this and put it in the casket. I think someone distracted her and got rid of the leaf so she forgot about it.
She drew this on the other side of the note. On the way back home, she randomly asked my mom is Derek would know that it was a picture of herself and Derek because she accidentily colored her hair the wrong color and he might not recognize her.
She also put this in the casket. It's a picture of her and Derek from the last time he came up and visited us. She's wearing makeup that she applied herself in the picture. You probably can't tell but she's got all the blue stuff around her eyes like Mimi from the Drew Carey Show.
I did peep into the casket briefly. Derek looked like he was just sleeping. He was very well groomed. He wore a suit and a Virginia Tech tie. Next to the casket was a picture of him in his football uniform from high school. The entire time, Miranda stood next to the casket and mumbled to herself and Derek. She wasn't upset or frightened by it at all. Derek's mother was bawling her eyes out as she greeted friends and family members. David seemed to be holding up pretty well.
When the casket was closed, the short ceremony began. A lady played sad tunes on a quiet organ which encouraged tears. The presiding minister read some random Bible verses and said some prayers. He talked about how Derek was a good kid and how he loved sports. The Derek he talked about was the Derek from 7 years ago -- the one that was in high school. It's like they dragged his body back home and pretended that he had never even left. Did he not accomplish anything in the past 7 years?! Maybe he didn't. He lived in FL for several years and worked at Wendy's. He had only been back in VA for 3 months. I wanted to get up and scream that he died of a heroin overdose, not of being a good kid that loved sports. All that talk of heaven......they all acted as if it was a given that Derek was in heaven. He had gone to church with his grandmother back in August and taken communion with her, the minister said. HE TOOK HEROIN!!! Did he have time to ask God for forgiveness before he died in that bathtub?! I want to scream and shout because of how he died. Because he didn't need to die. His family is assuming or hoping that he had never done the stuff before and that his roommate was somehow involved. That may be true but the honest naked truth is that Derek was an adult and he was responsible for his own actions. I don't know the extent of God's forgivness. I know it's something within that person. I am scared for Derek's soul. Everything that minister said was so positive and comforting. But.......HEROIN. HEROIN! We want to place the blame somewhere else. We want to be able to say that roommate killed Derek. I want to be able to say that. Maybe roommate bought the drugs and injected Derek against his will.....do you inject heroin? I don't even know how you take the stuff. I want to say that roommate killed him and that he didn't kill himself in the end. But......it's not likely. Who kills somebody else by forcing heroin on him or her?!
I don't know. I just don't know.
A quick grave side reading. I don't even remember what was said.
I know this is probably not the right time to bring this up but that's the back of my mom's mullet. She's the one with the paisly shirt.
The cemetery view.
It actually looked like a day for a funeral. The sky was bleak grayish white.
That's the pain of a mother losing her only child.
Kids, if you love your mother don't do drugs. I'm serious.
I half-jokingly told my mom "If I die before you, you don't have to buy me the gold one -- just get whatever's cheapest." Granny suggested that I be buried out in the circle in front of her house where all the cats and hamsters are buried.
The flower arrangment on top of the casket.
Miranda refused to look sad the entire day. In fact, she smiled everytime she saw my camera so I had to catch her off guard. She just didn't understand what was going on.
She's putting a flower in her hair.
She was playing with the flowers that had been placed on the top of the casket.
Miranda and her cousins.
I can remember being a child and not understanding cemeteries, too. They just seemed like big playgrounds to me.
The congregation at a distance.
My mother and Miranda joined us on the ride home. That brought the total up to 6 people, if you're keeping track. We piled into the Suburban and granny made us suffer by riding around the town a bit. Evidently, she had lived in Pearisburg when she was in second grade. We yelled at each other a bunch because we were hungry. We stopped and ate at some mom and pop type place and waited forever for our meals. David's smoking relatives were on the other side of the restaurant with their ciggerettes. The food was mediocre except for the peanut butter pie. $1.49 peanut butter pie. Mmmmmm. Tasty. We piled back into the Suburban and I fell asleep in the backseat just hoping that the other 5 brains in the car could figure out the concept of NORTHEAST without me.
I woke up to those same obnoxious voices as before. It was dark and we were at a gas station in the middle of nowhere about 40 miles south of Lexington. I had been coughing all weekend but my cough was getting worse. I felt particularly sick. As it turns out, the Suburban had gone with one headlight for some time and now that headlight had ceased to function. In a panic, Marie called Triple A (AAA, duh). After 20 minutes of arguing, of course. I had a headache and my ears wouldn't pop. Triple A wanted to tow us obviously. We wanted them to bring us some headlights. They didn't like the fact that there were 6 of us, either. So nevermind. My idea was to drive to Lexington slowly with hazard lights. Marie finally agreed to drive. Once we got back on 81, Edwin called and asked if the high beams worked. DUH. I figured that Ruth had tried that already but she hadn't. We drove all the way to Charlottesville with the high beams then stopped at K-Mart and bought some duct tape to tape the high part of the high beams. I took Miranda to the bathroom and she sang an imaginary sing-song-mumble about pooping and puking and other bathroom things because.......that's what kids do, I guess.
When we got to Madison, Miranda coughed and puked all over the backseat upholstry which I was informed had just been shampooed for $149 dollars. She had sang that she had to puke back at K-Mart but I didn't think she was serious. I wonder if it was just a coincidence. It was very sudden -- she had been laughing and playing with me and then she got sick. She puked a few more times into a trash can which I held up to her mouth. The puddle of sick itself was bright red (because of the nasty red sugar drink she had) and contained bits of crackers, onion rings, and chicken nuggets. We were about 10 minutes from Miranda's house and I felt like I was going to barf soon as well because I had puke on my hands and the smell was seeping into my nose and making me gag. As soon as we arrived, I climbed out and coughed and spat in the yard. Luckily, I managed to keep my food down. I sat impatient and uncomfortable for the remaining 20 minutes of the ride and gladly hopped out when we got home.
As much as I hate to admit it, a good portion of the trip was spent thinking about how I was missing Okkervil River and perhaps even the false illusion that I'd get back in time to drive to Arlington to go see them. But really.....I knew better. If I had driven myself, I probably could have made it. But I thought I was doing the right thing by going with my family. At some point on the way home, my mom yelled at me and said, "Katie, why would you wanna get away from your family so bad?!" Everyone paused for a moment and laughed. My mom got mad and said, "Hey! I was being serious!"
Anyhow I guess the point is.....don't do heroin? I don't know. This story.......it took me a long time to write. But.......it really doesn't express everything that I'm feeling right now. I am scared about my life and my own mortality. I talked about school with my family over dinner and I felt stupid because I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. They seem to think that I shouldn't transfer after I get my degree because I don't have the money, because I don't need it, because I don't know what I want to study, because I hate school, and because I'm just randomly picking a major. And those are good reasons to not go back to school. It's just that.......I'm afraid to not go. This semester....I'm behind. I don't know if I can catch up now. I think I have to because so many people seem to think I can just because I proved myself last year. It's a weird situation. Very confusing. This death.......it's another setback. It's some sort of symbol. This is another kid that died that I have to make up for. I mean, I've gotta do something that's not stupid. I have to stay alive for a while and do something meaningful. I think school has something to do with that. Maybe. I'm not sure. We'll see I guess.
What I do know is that I'm sick. I'm coughing, my head hurts, and my ears are all stopped up.
This story doesn't end. It probably won't for a while.
I'll end with Derek's obituary:
Derek Lyle Hare, 25, of Pembroke, Va., went to be with the Lord on Thursday, November 10, 2005 in Virginia Beach, Va. He was currently living in Virginia Beach for the past three months, and had lived in Tampa, Fla. for the past four years. Derek was born on February 22, 1980 in Pearisburg and was a son of David W. Hare of Culpeper and Charlene G. Yancey of Blacksburg. He was preceded in death by his great grandmother, Amy Harless, paternal grandfather, Wesley Hare, and a great uncle, Buford R. (Bo) Harless. Derek was a 1999 graduate of Giles High School and he loved playing football for the Giles Spartans. He also ran track and played basketball. Besides his dad, David and his wife Ronny, and his mother Charlene, Derek is survived by his sister, Miranda Brooke Hare of Culpeper; maternal grandmother Shirley Yancey of Pearisburg; paternal grandmother, Toby Parham of Franklin; 2 aunts, Debbie and husband Kenny Parker of Chesapeake, Katrina and husband Mark Carr of Franklin; 2 uncles, Randy and wife Janice Hare of Bealeton, William and wife Sylvia Hare of Franklin; numerous cousins; close friends and special friends, Jeffery and Courtney Dickerson, Shefffey Brotherton, Mark Hare and Amanda Scott Duncan. Funeral services will be conducted Monday, November 14, 2005 at 2 p.m. at the Givens Funeral Chapel in Pearisburg, Va. with Dr. Fred L. Austin officiating with burial following in the Birchlawn Burial Park in Pearisburg, Va. The family will receive friends at Givens Funeral Home Sunday evening from 6 to 8 p.m. Memorial contributions may be made to the Humane Society or to a charity of your choice. Online condolences can be made to the family at givensfuneralhome.com.
Published on 11/13/2005
The Roanoke Times
